How far is too far? When left to our own measures, men the world over can find themselves in a world of debauchery. For those who are hitched, when it comes to infidelity, what actually constitutes going too far? Where do you draw the line in the sand?
As a single male living in the sexually charged world of college, I have made the art of flirtation my business. From the daily exchange of glances, to small-talk in class, to the occasional dinner date, flirtation has become my third major. As such, flirtation and all that goes with the single life (fantasizing, strip clubs, cybersex and the occasional romp) are all options which I and you may partake in without worry of repercussions.
But what about the man in the steady relationship, for him what is off limits? According to a recent survey of the American male, 29 percent of men think fantasizing about other women regularly is cheating. However, although "fantasizing was the least likely behavior to be viewed as cheating, it was also the activity that men were least likely to feel comfortable talking with their wives or girlfriends about." Furthermore, along the same line of thought, 65 percent of men believe cybersex is adultery.
This strikes me as odd. Although fantasy involves thoughts in the individuals head and cybersex involves thoughts sent through cyber space, both are essentially the same thing. Both involve a fantasy played out in the individuals mind while the individual, not another, pleasures him/herself. Is this, the act of self gratification with another in mind, cheating?
Here are some more stats for you: According to the same poll, 32 percent of men consider a lap dance cheating, while 53 percent of men consider paying for phone sex perfidy. Seventy-five percent of men consider receiving a happy ending after a massage treachery, and any act which involved the man's fly to be unzipped was considered faithlessness by over 90 percent.
So I ask again, how far is too far? It's obvious that men are characterized as the sex which cheats the most. However, women set the guidelines for what cheating truly is. This being the case, I began to wonder if there is a general consensus in the female community as to what constitutes infidelity.
From the information which I gathered, the general consensus feel any act in which contact becomes more than mental is unfaithful; once the flirting turns into kissing, we've stepped over the line (oddly enough, although it breaches the physicality gap, women I talked with did not consider getting a lap dance from a stripper disloyalty).
We've all done it, or at least thought about it. After a while, no matter how stupid you know your thoughts are, the crush you have been flirting with can get the best of your good intentions. Now, I'm not recommending that you cheat, however, take it from someone who has crossed the line once before, committing an act of infidelity is exhilarating.
Cheating provides a thrill, which in the heat of the moment, provides the same jolt a rollercoaster ride or getting mugged does. For that moment, you're more alive than you have been since the first time you laid eyes on the one you're currently cheating on. It's the basic idea of the forbidden fruit, which after the fact, never seems worth it.
During my high school days, I cheated on a lovely girl. Although she will remain nameless, inside and outside she was, and still is, beautiful. Yet at the time, like most cheaters, I was seeking a thrill which I was not receiving with the aforementioned. I cheated on her with a girl who, in no way, after going through with the act, kept her beauty. It seems, for whatever reason, as initially good as the forbidden fruit appears, once done, the apple turns rotten. If you're wondering, I never got caught. Yet, I believe in some odd way, when we cheat we are expecting and wanting to get caught simply to liven up a lackluster relationship.
I suppose cheating addresses a deeper issue within the male psyche: freedom. Men in a relationship simultaneously lead two different lives. One of those lives evolves around his relationship with his girlfriend/wife. Yet, at the same time, men lead a single life. While away from his girlfriend/wife, men flirt and toy with the thought of infidelity. This is not because we want to hurt you, it's simply who we are. Call it evolution or being a mammal who simply has the need to breed… it's our instinctive call for freedom.
In the end, I am not saying that infidelity is a good thing, nor am I saying that it's a bad thing. However, by writing this, I guess I am limiting my chances for a girlfriend. But hey, if that's the case, for the next year, no fruit is forbidden and I will never have to worry about repercussions from flirting or going deeper into the male world of debauchery.
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