 "Photo: Michael Phillis/Collegian")
Jon Zagami, a junior resource economics major, had night tremors living in the dormitories when he first came to the University of Massachusetts after serving in the U.S. Army in Kuwait and Iraq in 2003 and 2004.
Listening to people run up and down the halls at night scared him to death, he said.
"You can't take someone out of this environment and throw them into a combat zone and expect them to come home and just shut it off, it doesn't work like that," he said.
Jon Schnauber, a senior sociology major, was in the U.S. Air Force during the Gulf War and in the Army during Operation Freedom in Afghanistan. Schnauber said that he thinks that everyone coming back from Iraq has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), "in one way shape or form."
According to the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs Web site, PTSD "is an anxiety disorder that can occur following the experience or witnessing of a traumatic event. A traumatic event is a life-threatening event such as military combat, natural disasters, terrorist incidents, serious accidents or physical or sexual assault in adult or childhood."
One of the things that Schnauber deals with since he has returned is intrusive thoughts, "where I am always in a mindset, always ready. We are constantly at that level of preparedness, constantly checking out our surrounds. It's hypervigilance," he said.
It has been four years since Schnauber has returned from Afghanistan and he is still suffering from PTSD, he said. Last semester he was walking through campus and he saw three guys on top of the Student Union, with a telephoto lens camera. "I immediately thought RPG when I saw what was in his hands and I started looking for cover. It doesn't get better," Schnauber said.
"We walk though campus and we look at bushes, doorways, peoples hands, how they are carrying their backpacks," said Schnauber. "I certainly do not have a bad case of PTSD either."
Zagami said that he had a hard time when he came to campus. When he would walk to class he would think that people were following him. "I didn't put two and two together that he lives in the same dorm as me and we have class together. As soon as I get around this building I would cut out and start tracking him. It's not a healthy way to live," he said.
Another thing Schnauber and Zagami experienced was having a hard time driving when they returned from combat; they felt like a land mine would go off at any time.
One of the hard transitions that veterans face when they return to campus is navigating their way through the University.
Zagami said it can be hard to go to large classrooms and walk around campus when it is busy. "What if I come to class and I am two-minutes late for a test and I have to sit in the middle of the row, I can't handle that, but there is no choice. I hate walking through the Campus Center if it's crowded. I hate people touching me in a crowd. I hate going to bars," he said.
"Every soldier here that I have talked to deals with it," said Zagami.
"It was hard to come here and figure out the admissions process," said Zagami. "In the Army, it's real easy to figure out where everything is."
Schnauber said that his transition was also difficult because his wife left him when he returned from combat. He went to school before he left so he was familiar with the academic life, but he found returning to school at UMass hard.
"Trying to work my way through Whitmore was not much fun. I didn't know who to talk to, or how to get things done," he said. "The financial aid, the bursars, the dean of students was ridiculous."
Zagami similarly had a hard time moving into the dorms. Every time he moved in the military he knew exactly what was on the packing list to bring. He had no idea what to move into his dorm room.
"How do I connect with these people I am living with because we are way different. I felt like I had just walked back into high school. I didn't understand how they could stay up until four in the morning sucking down beers and not plan on getting up tomorrow morning," Zagami said.
Zagami also did not understand how students could miss class. "That's your job; it's the only thing you have to do while you are here. You are paying for it, why would you not go to class."
Zagami also experienced feeling like an outsider once people found out that he was in the Army. Fellow students even asked him if he had killed people in Iraq. He said that he had a hard time finding people that he fit in with and felt like he was among people who did not get what he had been through.
Andrew Masciola, a sophomore political science major, is in the Massachusetts National Guard. He has not been to war, but said that he often feels like an outsider at UMass. "The biggest thing for me was relating to people. It was hard to relate to them. My freshman year roommate was real big into drugs, that was a rough situation having to deal with coming out of the military because it doesn't exist," he said.
Students in the military often have a very different life than other University students. Their weekends are often spent doing drills. There is no option to gain the "freshman 15" because they have to maintain their physical fitness, according to Zagami.
"On Friday night, when everyone is worrying about where they are going to pre-game and what bars they are going to go to, I am worried about having all of my gear to spend the weekend in the woods. When you go to a drill, you are getting up at three or four in the morning and then you can't sleep when you come back to school because your roommates are being loud. On the weekends, when everyone puts off their papers, we don't have that luxury," said Zagami.
Masciola said that one of the main differences is that they do not take anything for granted at school. "A lot of people who go here have everything, but they don't realize that they have everything," he said.
The Veterans and Service Members Association (VASMA) was started by Schnauber and Zagami to help student veterans with their transition from military to academic life.
"It can be hard to get people on this campus to come out and acknowledge that they are veterans," said Schnauber.
Zagami said that they have been able to create a network of students in the military, so that when they see one another on campus, they know that they are not the only one who has been to Iraq. They have made contacts with many different offices and services on campus so that they can help direct veterans to the right places to seek help.
"It can be very comforting when you see someone else that you know was in the military," said Schnauber.
Masciola said that when a veteran first comes to campus it can be easy to feel like they are the only person in the military. "To know that there are more people just like you, helps a lot," he said.
VASMA is currently redoing their Web site so that they can give student veterans the resources that they need about SPIRE, UCards, housing, dining and other things that may be hard for them to navigate.
"We want them to get here and be at ease. Tell them what to expect when they get here. Everything and anything that we can answer for them we want to," said Zagami.
"There are soldiers among you, veterans among you, male, female, every race and ethnicity and they are walking around here in plain clothes going to classes just like you and they have overcome the same obstacles that you are going to have to overcome. Why not talk to them about how they got through it? VASMA has done an exceptional job of helping people do that so far," said Zagami.
