My Dearest President Jeff Howe,
Hi. I'm not sure if you know who I am, but we've talked once or twice, and over that time period I just could not get you out of my head. I know that this is a weird way to express how I feel, but I thought that this would be the best way to catch your attention, knowing your love for the Daily Collegian and all.
I just want you to know that I have been in love with you since the first day we meet that one time in your office. Do you remember that?
I remember the way you spoke to me, so gentle and soft-spoken, and the way you looked, can I just say, I love the scruffy look.
Whenever I call 549-WING for my boneless chicken wings with sweet mustard sauce I pray that you will be the one delivering them to my door. I must admit, I do call frequently; do you still work on Tuesday and Thursday nights from 5:00 p.m. to 1:00 a.m.?
I just love a man in power and the fact that you have stuck around for a few extra years makes me feel like god put me here to be with you. Do you believe in soul mates? Because to be perfectly honest, every time you speak to me, it sends shivers down my spine, making each moment more difficult to be apart from you.
I have often times asked myself: Why President Jeff Howe? Is it your smashing sense of style, is it because you live your life focused on the needs of every student at the University of Massachusetts, or is it just the way that you don't give the time of day to anyone due to your drive for success?
I have come to conclusion that it is just a combination of all of these aspects that make you the one man for me.
I know I'm no Sheila Tunney, (I'm a one guy kind of gal) but I can offer you things you have never dreamed of. I'm willing to subject myself to your degrading ways for the rest of the semester and the rest of my life. You don't have to worry, because I will never let you down.
I wait by the phone every night hoping you will return my phone calls, but always go to bed with an empty feeling in my heart. Yet, you can never let me down because I will always be there waiting with my arms and heart wide open for you to come running into.
I know that this is a lot to bring upon you at once, but I just could not hold it inside any longer. I love you, and there is nothing that you can say or do to change that. You and I where a match made in heaven put on this earth to be together, and if you have not realized this yet, I'll leave you with this final note that may change everything.
Do you sleep on your stomach? Could I?
Love you forever - Christopher Doonsbury
Christopher Doonsbury is a UMass student
Editor's Note: Jeff Howe was not available for comment.
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